Nick: I like how things aren't weird between us.
Jess: Right, because of somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like "Look at those two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face" but we did. You sucked my face.
Schmidt: Give me the spot or I'll kill you all!
Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the constitution of America? Nicholas what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.
Nick: I refuse to pay for the "wifee"
Jess: It's wifi.
Jess: You can't escape destiny. She comes for us all that relentless bitch. That's right destiny's a lady.
Daisy: You forgot a condom?
Winston: You got a grocery bag?
Daisy: No.
Winston: Tin foil?
Daisy: No.
Winston: Hand sanitizer?
Daisy: No.
Winston: You got a shower cap and a twist tie?
Nick: I don't know what mazel tov means but it doesn't sound good.
Jess: Kill him, kill him! You said you'd kill him! Now kill him! Now's your chance!
Nick: It's a sour ball not a bank safe. Just open the candy.
Winston: She's either having crazy amounts of sex or she does not know how to use these things.
Schmidt: Do you know nothing about men?
Jess: Yes, I know nothing about men. That's why I'm wearing a short skirt and wool tights.
Jess: You nailed my mouth. You nailed it good and hard and strong.
Jess: WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! Let me be very clear here. I am a strong, self-sufficient woman. And I will not be nailing you, Schmidt, or Nick, or Schmidt. Notice I said that twice because I don't feel it's thinking in. There will be no nails or screws or hammers in this building area. Generally, the whole thing.
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