Jess: I want this weekend to be fun and perfect and lovely. And I want him to look at me at the end and go "Jess that was the best weekend I ever had."
Nick: I'm glad your keeping your expectations at a reasonable level.
Nick: I'm sorry we're not going this weekend.
Jess: But It's free.
Nick: Did you say free?
Nick: We're 100% in. I'll go pack now.
Schmidt: White Nick, brown CeCe. I'd like to have a frank discussion about race.
Schmidt: Let's let Winston turn on his black switch and let his black light shine.
Jess: Oh look, it's Jackie O.
Jess: I've never played sexy Boggle before.
Sam: I'm gonna get into that later.
Jess: Give me the boom stick.
Jess: Absinthe has killed so many of our most famous painters.
Sam: You know, I feel so much better after throwing up in the fire.
Jess: I'll pass the bread, Angie. Just keep your hands to yourself and let the bread come to you.
Jess: I left a post-it note on the transformer that said "broken."
Jess: You can eat salad in my back seat any time.... I didn't mean that to be sexual.
Nick: That was a mistake! I am going to poop weird tonight!