Jess: 'Chica go Bills' is actually Spanish for 'young girl go bills.
Schmidt: How many times did I have to repeat the words lemon drop shot.
Cece: Yeah, I think he was... he was making fun of you.
Schmidt: For what? Working hard and playing hard? I guess the joke is on me.
Walt: You really seem to care about lil' Nicky.
Jess: I mean look at him. He looks like Hilary Swank, mixed with a sad wet dog.
Walt: She's my nice. She goes to veterinary school.
Jess: Yeah, top of my class.
Jess [about horse]: I'm seeing a lot of split ends. The mane is totally the wrong cut for the shape of his face.
Nick: There are people in life who you want to be unpredictable. Your pothead neighbor or Vice President Joe Biden.
Jess: You can't sell Father's Love. There's more to a Father's Love that semen. Ew. Poetic but ew.
Schmidt: Are you wearing a traditional sari?
Schmidt: I begged you to wear a sari. I had all these sari-related sexual scenarios. Monsoon Bedding. The Best Erotic Maribone Hotel. Slumdoggie Style Millionaire.
Jess: This is my first middle of the night parking lot horse deal.
Nick: Jess, if you're gonna mess with my sink, put some goggles on. Your eyes are twice the size of normal eyes. It's a bigger target.